July 9, 2012 · 5:57 pm
You know that show on the naughty channel?
The one with the confessions?
They have little surveillance cameras.
I don’t know it, ma’am.
Don’t you watch TV when you get home late?
I do sometimes.
They show people being naughty in the back of a taxi cab.
In a taxi cab?
Then they talk to the driver.
What do they talk to the driver about?
They confess their dirty little secrets.
To the cab driver?
Just like I talk to you, Bruce.
What does the driver do?
He listens and talks and stuff.
Does the driver ever get involved?
How do you mean, Bruce?
Is he involved, I mean, with their naughty stuff?
Of course he’s involved. He’s driving the cab.
Do they sit in the back?
What’s the show called?
Taxi Cab Confessions?
I don’t remember.
Do you enjoy that show, ma’am?
I do, Bruce. I watch it every Friday night.
July 8, 2012 · 8:26 pm
Come on, let’s do it again.
Don’t flap me here.
This is my place.
This is not your place. This is my place.
This is my moment.
I shall not be flapped. Not today, not now.
Quiet down, and sit straight in the saddle.
Do what I say.
Go where I go.
Follow my commands.
Follow your quemmands?
I demand you walk this way.
I’m not walking that way.
Do not flap me.
I’m not doing that.
I shall whip you if you disobey.
Is that a threat? How old are you?
I am a confident, proud, mindful human being.
What are you trying to prove?
And I am unflappable.
This isn’t fun anymore.
Faster now. Jump those beams.
Whoa. That felt good.
Good. Slow down.
No way. This is my moment.
I said slow down. This is my moment!
Are you sure? What about all the other beams we could jump?
Do not flap me!
That one there?
Hold on, I really want to do this.
I said stop! Stop!
One more. One more.
I am becoming unflapped!
unflap. unflap. unflap. Wheee!