I forgot to send you anything.
I forgot to send you flowers.
I sent your mom some flowers.
I sent your dad some flowers.
I forgot your parents are divorced.
I sent you a post card.
I forgot to shave.
I dyed my hair red.
I don’t want kids.
I don’t really like kids.
I don’t really like our kids.
Sentences that begin:
Today, being a pretty special day…
Today, being the second best day of my life…
Today, on this other date I was on…
Today, on Youtube…
Today, on World of Warcraft…
Today, on Wall street…
Today, North Korea…
Words and subjects to avoid:
The Dow Jones
STDs (unless necessary)
Crabs (Lobsters OK)
Succulent (any other day this word is fine)
Onomatopoeias to avoid:
Stories that begin:
I should tell you about my suffering…
I should tell you about my high school…
One time, on a Disney Cruise…
One time, in Ciudad Juarez…
A couple times in college…
Once, my ex and I…
Sometimes, my wife and I…
One time, after watching Titanic…
Don’t bring on the date:
A ring (not today).
A pet (never ever).
A copy of your novel (are you dating a literary agent?)
A weathered copy of Lolita.
Your musical instrument.
Your partner’s parents.
Your other partner.
Your other partner’s parents.
Most, if not all your faculties.
Your good luck charm (keep hidden).
Your big beautiful heart (keep neatly tucked in your pants).
The service is pretty laissez-faire here.
I wouldn’t comment on the servant class.
I’m not trying to make a comment on class.
My book is a class commentary.
I read your book.
Did you like it?
It’s super short, which I like.
I worked on it for five years.
The middle part has a specific ambiguity too it, which I like.
I specified the specifics in the latter chapters.
Your specifics were pretty unspecific.
You can argue specifics without specifying, seriously.
Yeah. These waffles are seriously going on myspace.
Don’t you have an Instagraham?
Just myspace and AIM.
Tell me more about your book.
I started writing it when I went to Canada to do community service building playgrounds. It’s really a commentary on the socio-economic borders of wealth and the super-rich.
It’s definitely about the super rich.
I should have added some significance toward the end.
Yeah it gets a little insignificant toward the back of the book.
I love writing children’s books.
Yeah, I don’t like that as much.
I love how formulaic the writing process is.
The characters have shallow aspirations.
What do you mean?
It’s not realistic. I read a lot of non-fiction.
But what are aspirations?
The characters aren’t real to me.
No, what does aspirations mean?
I don’t really know.
Do you even like children?
I almost expected you to ask that.
You talk about how much you love children in your book.
That’s not what it’s about.
You should write something else, maybe.
I want to write something really significant.
Your book was pretty good.
It wasn’t significant though.
No, it wasn’t significant.
Filed under Stories
Tagged as after, ambiguity, book, class, commentary, Date, laissez-faire, morning, short, specific, writer