1. Keeping Secrets from Yourself – Freud
2. Confessions – by Augustine
3. Confessions of a Self-loather – by Mordecai Hussein
4. Schiksa – Woody Allen autobiography
5. The Shining – movie by Stephen King
6. War and Peace – by Russia
7. Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man – back cover
8. Ulysses – first and second pages
9. “Motherhood for Men” – article in Men’s Health
10. “A Brief Analysis of your Urethra” – UTI pamphlet
11. “How to Fight a UTI” – WebMD
12. “The Death of Postmodernism: We Found God in a Tunnel” – CERN blog post
13. “Doomsday: Actually, We’re All Gonna Die” – editorial Christian Science Review
14. “Teaching Your Teen Abstinence” – Dr. Phil
15. “Teaching Your Teen Hygiene” – Dr. Phil
16. Teenagers on My Mind – novel by Dr. Phil
17. Infinite Jest – parodic blog
18. “Buy More! Now!” – billboard
19. “Barn Party and Coke” – Coca Cola ad
20. “Coke Party in a Barn” – same ad ten minutes later
21. Lost – all 5 seasons in order of disappointment
22. “Avert Your Eyes” – interview with Pam Anderson
23. “Avert Your Eyes Pt. II: Look Away, I’m Hideous” – ibid.
24. The Art of Balding – essay by Larry David
25. To Bald or Not to Bald: No Choice – essay by Larry David
26. Insomnia – memoir by Eli Wiesel
27. Fear of Failure – non-fiction novel I’m working on right now
28. Fear of Flying –Philosophical Review
29. Fear of Germophobia – Kosher Psychology Quarterly
30. Agoraphobia: Adventures in Central Park – manuscript found in trash can on 72nd and Central Park West
31. Nichomachean Ethics – by Aristotle (Ch. 1)
32. Nichomachean Ethics – (Ch. 1 again)
33. Nichomachean Ethics – (Ch. 1 halfway through, eventually abandoned)
34. Discipline and Punish – Foucault
35. Discipline and Punish Me – Dr. Phil
36. Discipline and Germophobia – Heiddeger
37. Women Love Nice Men – Steinbeck (actually read in 6th grade)
38. Chicks Dig Me – Hemingway
39. Chicks Like to Travel with Me – Hemingway (bought but didn’t read)
40. Traveling with Chicks Kills My Buzz – essay by Hemingway
41. Changed My Mind: Chicks Are Life – short story by Hemingway
40. Traveling Gutter Punks – Kerouac
41. Sound and the Fury – Faulkner
42. Sound and the Fury – plotsummary.com
43. A Fiction Writer’s Guide to Lying – James Frey
44. @DollyParton – following on twitter
45. @AshtonKutcher – the twittiest tweeter on twitter
46. Politics and the Secret Language – CIA pamphlet found in my mailbox
47. Putin’ the ‘Mafia’ in ‘Russian Mafia’ – Putin’s self-censored autobiography
48. Billion’s Not Enough – memoir by David Koch
49. How to Secretly Control Everything – Koch Industries for Dummies
50. We Run This B*tch – manifesto co-written by Charles and David Koch
Jeremy Scheuer 