I want to clear something up: The Portland Naked Bike Ride, any Naked Bike Ride for that matter, is not a race. It’s a see-and-be-seen. I’m disappointed I have to explain this to you. Not a race.
May 6, 2012 · 8:36 pm
Wish
The other day, I stopped to watch a sexy woman teaching horseback riding lessons. She was coaching little Teddy on his posting and rein control and how to ask the horse to do what you want. The horse looked like the owner had taken it to a beauty salon in Chelsea for an expensive perm. But this wasn’t New York or London. The owner clearly prioritized appearance overall, because the horse kept fucking up what little Teddy asked it to do. The hairs stuck straight up and bobbed side-to-side as the horse pranced around the corral, waving its mane and swishing its tail. I mean, his tail. It was manifest. I had dressed myself carefully and expensively to attract the sexy woman, and it seemed she was taking the bait. As I watched her teaching little Teddy how to canter, an older lady came over and stood next to me. “Is he yours?” she asked. “Oh no, I’m just here to watch her,” I said, then added, “I wish. He’s beautiful.” The lady made no reply and left. A guy in a suit and sunglasses came over and casually sat down next to me. We chatted for a while about things—work, stress, sexuality, life after death. Writing this, now, I realize she was referring to Teddy.
Filed under Stories
Tagged as Beautiful Sexy Woman Horseback Riding Lessons Teaching Sexuality Work Realize
May 6, 2012 · 5:07 am
Philisteins
Last week, I met a JewBu in the wholefoodsparkinglot. I know what you’re thinking, there aren’t any Jewish Buddhists on the westcoast, but you’re wrong. There are a few. I stumbled into one right before sundown last Saturday. I know, I would have asked him why he was driving on shomer shabbat, but he looked like he could spare the guilt. We talked about New York and New Jersey. I was renting a car with NJ plates (mistake), which was how we started talking. He’s from Jersey, whatever. We talked about Portlanders, passive aggressive bicyclists, bad drivers, clean air, how everybody thinks they’re so smart because they live in the same city as Powells, and what we miss about the City. well, what “I” miss about the City. He’s from Jersey. He looked at my plaidshirt, asked me why I was hiding my Jewish”ness” and I was like, “I have to. You know that.” So yada yada yada, he asked me out on a dinner date, which I tried not to read as sexual, which it wasn’t, which was a relief, gave me his number and told me a JewBu joke, which I forgot.
May 6, 2012 · 4:30 am
Let’s do this
I’m so motivated. I finally have a blog that you read and like on Facebook and talk about in real one-on-one conversations. I read in the Atlantic that Facebook makes us lonely. I mean, I didn’t read it, I saw the cover. But still, whatever it says, I don’t think I’m lonely because of Facebook. It’s because I don’t have any friends. So I’m starting this blog so people start noticing my shit. So yeah, it’s a good feeling.
Jeremy Scheuer 